This is a must read for ALL WOMEN. Let’s get one thing straight: setting boundaries doesn’t make you cold, selfish, annoying, a pick me, or dramatic.
It makes you strong.
It makes you intelligent.
And most importantly, it keeps your energy from getting bled dry by people, situations, or patterns that don't serve you.
SO if the mere thought of saying no, not replying right away, or asking for space makes your stomach twist... THIS IS FOR YOU.This is the truth: feeling guilty for protecting your peace is a learned response—and it's one you can unlearn.
And for fucks sake I have heard too many women say "I slept with him because I felt guilty."
You’d be shocked how often this sentence comes up in quiet conversations between women.
But it’s not shocking at all when you consider how most of women were socialized.
Women were taught to be nice. To avoid conflict. To make others feel comfortable, even at the cost of our own discomfort.
We were taught that keeping the peace was more important than telling the truth.
It’s time to unlearn that.
First: Why Boundaries Even Matter
Boundaries are how you teach the world to treat you.
They’re not walls to keep people out, they’re filters that let the right people (and energy) in.
When you don’t have boundaries, you end up:
- Saying yes when you mean no
- Holding resentment you don’t talk about
- Feeling exhausted, overextended, and emotionally hijacked
Sound familiar?
Poor boundaries are linked to higher stress, burnout, and relationship dysfunction (Smith & Segal, 2022).
The solution? Clear, compassionate boundaries that honor you and don’t require an apology.
1. Drop the Guilt: Boundaries Are Not Betrayal
Guilt often shows up when you're doing something unfamiliar - like finally putting your needs first.
Here’s what you need to know:
Guilt is not a sign that you’re doing something wrong.
It’s a sign that you’re doing something new.
If you were taught that love = self-sacrifice or that being “nice” means being constantly available, boundaries will feel unnatural at first. But that doesn’t mean they’re wrong.
It means you’re reprogramming.
Mantra: “I can disappoint others without betraying myself.”
2. Say It Simple, Not Sorry
You don’t need a 3-paragraph justification for every no.
You don’t need to over-explain.
You don’t need to soften your truth until it’s unrecognizable.
Try these: - “I’m not available for that right now.” - “That doesn’t work for me.” - “I’d rather not.” - “Let me get back to you.” (This one buys you time.)
Clear is kind. And the more direct you are, the more people will trust what you say.
Direct communication reduces relational anxiety and increases mutual respect (Hall & Fincham, 2005).
3. Boundaries Are Not Just for Others—They’re for You
Yes, boundaries help protect your energy from others. But they also help protect your energy for yourself.
That means creating structure around:
- Your phone use (yes, you can put it on Do Not Disturb)
- Your work hours
- Your alone time
- Your creative space
- Your healing time
Internal boundaries are the most overlooked but the most powerful.
Example:
Not checking your phone for the first hour of the day is a boundary.
Not saying “yes” to work outside of your paid hours is a boundary.
Drinking water before caffeine? That’s a boundary with your nervous system.
4. Let People Have Their Reactions (Without Making It Your Job)
Someone might not love your new boundary. They might be confused, annoyed, or disappointed. Let them.
That doesn’t mean you did something wrong.
It means the dynamic is shifting and that’s uncomfortable, but not toxic.
You’re not responsible for managing someone’s emotional experience of your truth.Key shift:
Stop asking: “How will they feel if I do this?”
Start asking: “How will I feel if I don’t?”
5. Make Your Boundaries Loud Enough That They Don’t Whisper as Resentment
If you don’t say it out loud, it’ll come out sideways.
Through passive-aggression.
Through burnout.
Through ghosting, snapping, or quietly pulling away without clarity.
Boundaries are proactive.
They’re about preserving relationships, not burning them down.
Think of them as a long-term investment in honest connection.
Say the thing. Early. Kindly. Clearly. Then move forward.
Real Talk: Boundaries Will Cost You. But the Cost of Not Having Them Is Higher
Yes, you might lose people who were only there for your compliance.
Yes, you might shake up dynamics that once felt "safe" but were actually suffocating.
Yes, you might feel wobbly at first. Like a newborn deer finding its legs.
But the payoff?
- Peace
- Self-respect
- Authentic relationships
- More energy for the things that matter
And no, you don’t need to become cold, hard, or unapproachable to get there.
You can be soft and boundaried. Warm and self-honoring. Kind and unavailable to nonsense.
Setting boundaries doesn’t make you selfish.
Feeling guilty doesn’t mean you’re wrong.
And protecting your peace is not something you need to earn.
This isn’t about building walls. It’s about creating space for your sanity, your joy, and your actual life to exist without constant intrusion.
You don’t owe anyone unlimited access to you.
Your future self will thank you for every no you say today.
